My Hope and the Dream

Years ago, I saw you walking on those stairs, doing exactly what I did the day before yesterday. You smiled happily to me right before your name was called. I remembered how happy you were, we all were. Right that second I said to myself, you had to see me walking on those stairs as contentedly as you were. However, it turned out that my wish did not come true. You were not there watching me ending this stage, smiling towards me as I did so. You are not even here anymore.

Last night, I dreamt of you. I saw your face and happy smile again after months, after the so called reality I could not yet accept. It felt like you were still here doing this and that as you used to. You looked very happy though you knew that you would be taken away from all of us very soon. It saddened me. I tried my best to make those last days wonderful for you, for us all, yet it seemed that it was personally not enough for me. I hoped I had made you a lot happier. Had I? Had I not? No one could answer the questions.

Maybe I should not have written this after all. I may be the one who is unwise in this matter. This rambling may hurt many people come to think of it. But, I never mean a single thing like that to happen. I just want you to know, I miss you very much, Mbak. I wish you were there last Saturday. I wish you were here now.

Terrible Things-Mayday Parade

By the time I was your age, I'd give anything
To fall in love truly, was all I could think
That's when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams
The most beautiful woman, that I'd ever seen

She said, "Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I can't help but notice, you're staring at me.
I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe
I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me"

Now son, I'm only telling you this...
Because life, can do terrible things

Now most of the time, we'd had too much to drink
And we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything
Too young to notice, and too dumb to care
Love was a story, that couldn't compare

I said, "Girl, can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I made you a present with paper and string.
Open with care now, I'm asking you, please.
You know that I love you, will you marry me?"

Now son, I'm only telling you this...
Because life, can do terrible things
You'll learn, one day, I'll hope and I'll pray
That God, shows you differently

She said, "Boy can I tell you, a terrible thing?
It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.
Please, don't be sad now, I really believe
You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me"

Slow, so slow
I fell to the ground, on my knees

So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose
If given the choice, then, I'm begging you, choose
To walk away, walk away, don't let her get you.
I can't bear to see the same happen to you.

Now son, I'm only telling you this...
...Because life, can do terrible things 

Listening to this song while imagining my brother does  the same as this song envisages and conjuring how he and my nephew feel to cope with it

how despondent :(