Years ago, I saw you walking on those stairs, doing exactly what I did the day before yesterday. You smiled happily to me right before your name was called. I remembered how happy you were, we all were. Right that second I said to myself, you had to see me walking on those stairs as contentedly as you were. However, it turned out that my wish did not come true. You were not there watching me ending this stage, smiling towards me as I did so. You are not even here anymore.
Last night, I dreamt of you. I saw your face and happy smile again after months, after the so called reality I could not yet accept. It felt like you were still here doing this and that as you used to. You looked very happy though you knew that you would be taken away from all of us very soon. It saddened me. I tried my best to make those last days wonderful for you, for us all, yet it seemed that it was personally not enough for me. I hoped I had made you a lot happier. Had I? Had I not? No one could answer the questions.
Maybe I should not have written this after all. I may be the one who is unwise in this matter. This rambling may hurt many people come to think of it. But, I never mean a single thing like that to happen. I just want you to know, I miss you very much, Mbak. I wish you were there last Saturday. I wish you were here now.
